Love Marriage or Arranged?

Perfect Marriage:

..... And they lived happily everafter.

Heard this one before? If you are female [or male too!]  and are into reading, there's every chance that you may have read this line earlier. Most synonymous stories with happy endings! But we are yet to even begin on the path Before the happy ending! That's where the sho-sha is!!

And a debate about Arranged Vs Love marriage! Isin't that a really tough call?
Very simply put, Arranged marriage is where you tie the knots take the Saptapadi vows first and then figure out a way to tie the hearts together and work on your vows; whereas in Love marriage the hearts are already tied together and the vows are explored in advanced anticipation to start living them.

When I was in my teens I remember always wishing to have a love marriage. Blame it on the years or whatever.. the idea of a love marriage much excited me then.
Then with time, as my thinking grew fine, I realised Arranged marriage was also not a bad prospect at all. There are so many things to look forward to there too.
And now when I have been a working professional for a few years now [which most of urban female population is] I reiterate my statement that Love is a very important factor to get married.

So, what does one choose if given a choice?  I believe that's a tough choice. But if I had to make it, I'd choose love. Or rather a love and arranged marriage; which is not too difficult in today's times as it was earlier.

Now, "Why Love?" is the question I need to justify.
Simply because I truly believe marriage is a taxing business in today's times. So, If I do have an idea of the partner I am going to spend my life with, it much better helps me in planning it out. In arranged marriages, you need time to build up the relations, break the shackles, the inhibitions and totally be yourself. When that happens, its truly beautiful.. but lets face it, in today's times esp in a country like ours, where the speed of living is getting disproportional... and IF both partners are working outside home - It really gets difficult to get the balance.  You certainly would not be in the mood at many times in the week to be patient and understand why your partner did something that you don't appreciate much.  Less often we would give that time to realise that your partner IS that way, and is not doing any thing to annoy you per se! Likewise, there'll be so many things you'd need to give time to, to attain a happy relation.

Not the case in Love marriage. In love marriages, you know the person- the quirks, the annoying habits et al. & while those habits may still not have become adorable to you.. you atleast are better prepared for handling them. Agreed that Love marriages also have quite a few of the divorce cases registered, but hey!  where was it ever written that just because its a Love match, it WILL succeed? Is it just because someone dared to follow their heart & failed; we like to make them the villain and example for not venturing into making a choice of who to allow into the heart and the home?

I don't think so. Its very important to find the one whom you want to listen to, rather than someone whose conversation you need to decipher...to find that one person whose view points aren't in extreme contrast with your viewpoints. More important is to find the one whose comfort you would look forward to...rather than wonder if you will even find comfort there or no! Whose hold makes you immediately feel secure rather than tentatively keep waiting for it... for heaven knows how long!!


This surely does not imply that arranged set-ups are something akin to paddling your way in Hyderabad rains! [Horrendous thought no?] - let's just say, I prefer finding my comfort zone first to be able to give someone theirs in good measure.

In the end, be it love marriage or arranged; ALL need working - and working really hard!  Cause the paths could be different, but the destination to every marriage is the same. - A compatible union.

I shall rest my case by altering the famous disclaimer that is generally heard in every advertisement of mutual funds.

"Marriage is subject to heart and home risk. Please read the offer document[s] carefully before investing."!


 © Except for image, all rights reserved with Biraj 3Vedi. To re-print, prior permission required from the author.