I want to live....

This month has been like a roller coaster of musings. My b'day month, ...its a reminder to be thankful for the people who truly care & love you...who are there for you...no matter what, from wherever, however, they wish you year after year, bring happiness to your world.

Then there were a few other days that seemed too chimeric.

Whenever I'm in that state - whenever I am too blithe or too choked with the things around me, whenever things get complacent or get just a little too much to handle, I take a corner, close my eyes & transport myself in the world, to wherever this song takes me to.

...I want to live........careless & free......I want to run thro' the jungle the wind in my hair & the sand at my feeeeet...!

Did it take you someplace else too?? :)

A Daffodil's Diary

"Part of St.Ann's being demolished. Sixty classrooms – 30 on the ground floor and 30 on the first floor corresponding to a total of 2,388 sq.mts are being demolished. The school will be losing anywhere between 20ft-40 ft in width and 625 ft in length for the proposed road widening work."
-Read the newspaper.
**********************************************

I almost jumped from my seat in confusion. For, confusion there was. How can they touch St. Ann's...? Isn't it a school? ..& who's ever heard of part of a school getting demolished for road widening? Also, doesn't it come under the heritage buildings? After all, It is 100+ years...138 to be precise. HOW CAN THEY EVEN THINK OF THIS..?

I was very upset & angry!!

All these thoughts made my day heavy & I was down with a distinct pain at what's going to get lost...forever. Though I hadn't visited my school in quite a while..its where I got my basic foundation, the place where I graduated from a toddler to a teenager...where I learnt my 'Do-Re-Me's-..the place where I saw my first English movie at Sangeet....the place where I learnt to put on the first stitches in the needle-work class... the place where I read my first novel -Nancy Drew...& so many other first things.
A place which has given me umpteen memories, beautiful friends, meanings for life...& helped mould the person I am to a large extent.

...The wing that was getting demolished was the one which housed classes V to Xth...
Also to be gone forever were the Singing hall, Library & the Piano classroom.

So, understandably, majority of my schooling was spent in that wing...& hence the mood.

As there was displeasure over the happenings...over the inevitable, [coz when there are losers ruling... the public too inevitably- Loses!!]; ...Anyways, I've not started this to write about the Govt. & what I think of it...

...I'm reminiscing some wonderful memories of the great institution called, 'St. Ann's High School' ; which had begun as a co-ed & then later became a girls only school.

Anybody who has studied there or has memories of it, are welcome to add any memories which I may have missed. :)
----------------------------------------------------
Right from lovely spacious campus...dotted with amazing trees, huge playgrounds, assembly halls & boarding house within too, St Ann's had it all.
Following 2 educations systems within,The SSC & the ICSE, the school wonderfully managed to hold in so many students in one campus, at one time. The induction day was the only ceremony where both the sections, SSC & ICSE came together.

Students were distributed in four houses...named on 4 flowers, that were,
Daffodils/Pansies/Roses & Shamrocks, [It isn't too difficult to guess the colours of the houses... & the house I belonged to... Right? :) ]
In competition for the school championship every year, each house gave their best year after year to win the championship. Decided on ratings for the sports day march past, drill displays, games, dramatics, debates... etc... the overall count decided which house won the championship.
The few other memories that I cherish are:

• St. Mary's church: This beautiful church must have had almost every Annite pray & burn candles there at some or the other point in their schooling years. :)
• Saturday Canteens: These were canteens where students got food from their homes & sold it in the break. The money went for charity. I most loved those canteens. My Mom's chhole were a hit so that used to be my constant, constant! :) 
• Class Assembly: Every class had their turn to represent for morning assembly on rotation basis. 1 girl from each class, would come onstage & start with a preceding small prayer before the main prayer.

Apart from the prayers, the assembly also had,

• The School song in the Monday assembly,
• Maa telugu talli for Tuesday assembly,
• Vande Mataram on Thursday &
• Saturday was for the National Anthem.

• ~ Then there was 'Money for the mite box': A box to collect money for charity in each class.
• The lovely Christmas Celebrations.
• Sports day: Which was a sure hit, with the Military band which played & made it awesome - Always!!
• Display board near the Principal's office - Again Class wise, each class had to come up weekly with something inspiring for the board & decorate it.
• Out of station excursions: Excursions for the IX std. students. [My batch had gone to Bangalore, Mysore & Ooty.]

...& finally how can I miss adding the names of the teachers who taught me through out the years...who were an important part of my growing up. To begin with, Late Mrs. Singh & Late Jaya Didi. Lovely human beings & teachers who impacted me the most.
...Mrs Poppins, Kumar didi, Mrs. Shobhna, Mrs Dutta, Mrs. Joan, Mrs Fillo, Mrs. Matthews, Mrs. Clara Fernandes, Mrs Baliah...& how can I forget Mrs. Trivedi. :D

Studying in St.Ann's was a privilege & 1 of the best things that happened to me....Will finish off here by quoting the first few opening lines of the school song:

Scenes of our childhood, scenes of our youth,
the school we love & cherish dear...
Preparing us for life's rough way..
..St. Ann's forever we will cheer......

... & so as we sang ~~~ Loved, Cheered & Cherished would be the spirit of St. Ann's & the Annites in the times to come.
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Love.....n What Knot!

A sudden Smile...

..n the heart dives unexpectedly to the soles of the feet. When it regains itself & gets back inplace...the whole atmosphere's changed. In the span of a nanosecond, there's a biggest smile greeting the heart back & every fibre of the being is suddenly alive..blood seems to be flowing copiously in every nerve. & all this becoz of somebody else, who just smiled at you.


& that's only the begining...
The day becomes brightly better, the nights full of unseen stars..oh so poetic, but it actually feels that way. & you suddenly don't care even if you just missed the lottery prize to a world cruise.

...The melting of heart quicker than butter on a fire...& the stupid smile which plasters itself on the face... the happy song on the lips forever, the stress which dosen't seem to bother..the extra patience that you gain over everything..anger too becomes just another word in the dictionary...the music in your soul & so many 1000 other good things happen. Nothing seems to effect the heart which is on a high.

...& then it all goes missing for a while. You don't know what to make of it. The world becomes the loneliest place. Somehow, the sight changes, colours pale away from the trees, the flowers, the birds..even from the face. Everything else is fine, the way it should be..yet, just becoz someone's smile went missing from your life, ..that one missing smile dosen't make up to the world full of laughter around you.
Don't think..don't think...don't think!! That's what the mind keeps shouting then...Coz mere talking does not get heard. & if more the thoughts, then more the confusion..more the unclarity. ..& for the stupid deeds of the heart, mind gets on double-duty; striving for balance... for sanity.
The world is full of lovely people...yet what a difference only that one person can make to the being, is something perplexing.
What is this termed as...Is this that thing called Love? The perfect alibi to any such kind of irrational..unfanthomable behaviour?

If this is what it is..then who wants it? Why do people actually look forward to fall in love? (It is a fall afterall!) ...to find that one person among millions who'll make the blood running to the heart, hot & cold in a blink of the eye. The knots in the head...the knots in the heart...the tizziness of the head, the fluffiness of the heart. No clarity of anything... & a whole lot of uncertainity.
They say the journey should be enjoyed too, as much as the destination. But if this is what it's all like... Can do without it!
If all works out in the end, then it compensates for just about everything. But what when it dosen't? Then the only thing everything within you shouts in unison is: Love is not needed here...not welcome here... to assault, to cripple & take over...
...Never again...Ever Again!
 
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The Interim

Life gets very interesting sometimes. Good or Bad, we can't make out. Interesting is a safe term.
Things which are least..(nah..not expected at all) happen & we dunno what to make out of it. The automatic rush of a million thoughts preceding & following to the happenings, dosen't seem to help much either. Sitting & mulling over it for endless hours too, can't make out if its good or bad. Going with the flow seems the only option.

There's this feeling of not being able to see well...see clear.
..Or maybe looking deep... its actually pretty clear... though clairvoyance would be such a boon...! Or maybe I'm waiting for what I'm looking for to somehow get apparently visible... Really dunno!!

I seem to remember a fav quote here, 'God won't give me anything I can't handle. ...I wish he didn't trust me that much!'

Keeping this in mind, I'm trusting whatever will come, I'll take it well & life gets back to 'happy' interesting..rather than the currently 'confusing' interesting soon.

Amen to that.

Life's Good!

Wanted to get out of town for the last particular weekend....was rummaging here & there..everywhere... almost quite incoherently.
Alternately planned the day out with a dear friend, just in case I couldn't get away.

Couldn't work out a satisfactory trip for me, so was a little disappointed. Thought would just have a quite weekend...meet up with my friend, a fav book, visit to my fav place..& make myself feel better.

Sometimes when you don't expect things...they just appear from nowhere & make your day.

My friend knew about my wish to get away & infact was very helpful in looking for places too. So, ofcourse she also knew that I wasn't in the greatest of moods when things didn't work out then.

So, she appeared on Saturday morn & gave me a surprise...which lasted the whole day; & which was ofcourse very well received!! :)
Had a girls day out with her... which is something not common for us & that was more than good...

Though I could'nt get away from the city..sometimes the next thing that works out, the little pleasures that happen, turn out to be the best!!

A happiness comes from within then & I thankfully say,
"Life's good! ; even when we don't know it sometimes...don't understand it...yet it brings moments which are precious & make up for a lot of things in the most simplest of ways!"

Just a Moment

I am quite a follower of the Ipl ..& so have been enjoying the season 2 ,..catching up whatever matches I can.

A few days back I was having this talk with my friend about how interesting this format of the game was..& how it can really get one hooked.

Her take on the matter, left me thinking. She said though the 20-20 format was good & she liked it too..this time around she dosen't want to watch. Her take was when the Govt grants all kinds of grants to the players...showers them with so much...free jobs, free lands...lakhs/crores of worth of cash rewards. Aren't the cricketers liable enough to VOTE?

Pause. In a moment I was taken in with the impact of it & the whole josh about watching the season went down the drain. That day, the team I support was playing...but after talking to my friend.. you'd guess if I watched it or no.

The thought stayed with me for the whole day... & the more it stayed, the more I agreed & had points to ponder on too.

Over the huge election campaigning which had happened this time, I suddenly realised that NO cricketer was involved or had participated in any of the promotional campaigns to vote. As being one among the 2 most followed professions of the country., Yet there was not one cricketer that came out & advertised for the vote season. Strange. Cricket is revered in this country...on par with the following of Movieland. Yet, how could this thought of excercising the most important right in a democratic country miss them, I fail to understand.

Another think was, that the elections were spread over 5 phases...so was it that difficult for the cricketers to make out a couple of days to get back & vote in their respective constituencies on whatever days the voting came? After all, the vote season comes only once in 5 years. I'm certainly not meaning that all could have come back...nor am I saing that the team owners should bear the additional brunt of expenses...but surely the majority part of the Indian cricketers are damn well to do & can certainly afford to fly to n fro on their own. & to think of it, those are the cricketers that make most of the difference. They are hugely followed..that's the reason they are picked for Ads...paid obscure amounts of money...treated royally!

Some of you may think that I'm being harsh & cricketers would get tired with all the to-n-fro & jet-lag et al...& so they wouldn't have dreamt of it. Honestly, I had this thought too, but then If they can fly to places within shortest spans of rest periods...play in extreme conditions WHEN they get paid, they can as well take this little amount of extra step or strain, if you please., to behave like responsible citizens really prove that they really are worth all that humongous hype!

Now one more thing you might think is, that its a democracy, people can choose to vote or not. Sure they can. So why am I sounding like a preacher? My reply to that would be with a question again..then why all the campaign fuss? Only becoz we are responsible citizens & we are the ones responsible for the people in power right? That's why it becomes doubly important that people who've proved to make a difference to the mindset of the junta, should do the needful.

After all, they aren't representing the country in the World cup or playing in the name of the country with any other country in this season. Right? This is all money....all entertainment, which are going to only fill up their overflowing coffers...!

About time they got a little more...or rather..decently responsible & actually become Ideal propagators...rather than just sell bikes & colas & chewing gums around!!

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The Perfect Gift!

Its exactly a year to my trip to one of the most beautiful places on Earth - Kerala!

So..? What's the big deal you'd say?
Not at all...but for the expreience of,
...Air ride, taxi ride, Auto ride, bus ride, boat ride, Horse ride & Elephant ride! [Yes that too! :))] in a single trip! Among the many fantastic memories I have of the place, this is the most amusing recollection I have about the trip. Except for the rail ride, I pretty much covered almost all of the transport facilities available in that part of the country! :)

From a bird's view of stark brown patches of land visible when we started...to the sudden transfixing appearance of the lush green sights from air, Its easier to know when 'God's own country's' borders begin. Touch ground level & it only gets better!
Ok..Still, what’s the perfect gift you are thinking? I'd relive one of the best day of that awesome trip that I beleive was a gift for me alone.!

After reaching Cochin, we proceeded towards Munnar immediately. The one thing you’ll discover is, you'd never get enough of the beauty the place offers. You could also for a moment wonder if your eyes have gone green..nah not with envy :P ..but by seeing so much of greenery around! One keeps looking at more & more & More....!

Even in the prime summer month of May, Munnar gives you views of greens which are never pale. A sight for sore eyes, it can totally detox you without any diet or salon visits or even the massage centres which are so synonymous with Kerala.





Luckily we found accommodation at a hotel just at the outskirts of the town. Thanx to that, there were unobstructed views all around. Waking up to views of dewdrops on the windowpane...low clouds...tea gardens ALL around & a small 'U' shaped stream circling off from the hotel just below, gave me the feeling that I was in someplace almost like heaven! :)
On this day of our sightseeing, we began with a visit to a Tea making factory..where the process of making tea is made known from the first step to the last, when tea is packaged off to be sold in the markets. [Yeah, did behave like a good tourist & buy the customary/typical pack for home! :D]
Proceeding from there to the next stop destination, we passed through the much protected Sandalwood jungle. Passing through that got me amazed at man's discoveries. I expected a fragnant air when we entered the area..but No. There was absolutely no fragnance in the heavily guarded sandalwood jungle. On enquiry I learnt that sandalwood only gives out fragrance when cut. AMAZING!
Who would've thought that a tree that looked as any other tree would have such fantastic qualities, if it was just cut in. Nature never ever ceases to enthrall me.

Crossed the jungle & reached Rajamalai Hills. One of the 'have to visit' spots at Munnar. It's the highest point of Munnar & the rare & endangered Nilgiri Tahr can be spotted there if one is lucky. I was lucky enough to spot them on both the occasions I visited. :)
As private transport is not allowed to the top of the hills, one has to take a Govt. operated bus which is the only one which runs up & down the Rajamalai hills on the narrow path between the tea gardens. When you see two buses going in opposite directions...for a moment your heart rate accelerates thinking how is the driver going to manage crossing on such a narrow path. You breath a sign of relief when you see how effectively they manage. The bus drops you off at a stop point in the hills & from there one is free to explore the place on foot.
The thought of having a leisure walk in the lap of nature among the clouds...literally, was exciting enough...[One will experience a ‘Walk in the Clouds’ for sure at any given time at Rajamalai hills] ...so when it had slightly started to drizzle when in the bus I got super happy. But then, in the next 5 minutes, by the time we hardly reached at the top, that drizzle became a sudden heavy downpour... & we wondered what next! Not a single thing was visible. Even the person standing next to you was not visible, such thick was the fog then.

Though I loved it...[coz you don’t get such experiences daily] ; I was not at all wanting to forego the pleasure of taking a walk among the hills too. After a good wait of 20 mts. the rains dropped down to a drizzle again & the visiblity got better. We took Umbrellas & started off in the drizzle. 10 minutes in the hills & the Sun suddenly came out smiling brightly & the place only looked more stunningly beautiful & clear after the rains. The heavenly smell of Earth, the beautiful view..it was intoxicating!! Again, I was zapped at the working of nature.
Only 20 minutes back we were wondering how on Earth are we going to manage to go back if the weather remains like this... since there was no way I was taking the bus down [That is, IF they were running!!] in this zero-visibility. After all, I had more places to see..& I needed to be alive for that! :D
We had a lovely time up there..spotted the Nilgiri Tahr, stopped at little falls, walked quite a distance into the hills & ofcourse took loads of pics. :) Got back down & had a wonderful rest of the day.
But that experience was something special...something which I'll never have adequate words to describe.
The best I can attempt is to put it this way, God knew that I had long planned this holiday, & so this was his gift to me..THE PERFECT GIFT!
I beleive He personally watched over it & made sure the rains [Which is another of his creations I absolutely love..] showered just for the right amount of time, so that any of my other plans for exploring the place wouldn’t go unfinished. Thank You God! :))
It’s been a year since that last gift....& how good it was, I’ve put it out in as much words.

Well I’m wishing that he has a gift planned for this time around too ... Haven't you God?

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IE

Nah...I'm not starting off about the Internet Explorer & the difference it has made in the modern world & our lives.

I'm referring to the Intellect vs Emotion battle that consists of the human make up. Every person is generally inclined more towards one of these. That's how we are categorized in the Practical /Heartful people.

When I think about it, I'm generally stuck at this point,
In the matters of the mind over heart, what should one go for?

I'm a regular at this dilemma. :O There are times when I know something is correct in the mind, yet somehow heart does not agree for it... & if my heart says so, I trust it to be right!!
...Maybe becoz it may be Correct for me, but wrong in general...
..& then there are times when the heart just pushes you to do something, though the mind has other opinions.

What does one do then? What is the correct way to go? Many would answer that it is always good & correct to listen to the mind, as it can give reasons for anything. But, what about the heart? Just because it doesn't give reasons..except feelings...should it be ignored?

Heart does give false alarms too...for which we face the repercussions later..but that's another story.

Ideally it would be best if we attain a balance. Sure its not an impossible task to find it, But its not an overnight job... & overnight replies to such questions would be so good!!
Here too, notice how the heart and mind differ on coming to a common agreement? Mind knows its not possible to find overnight replies..& the heart wants just that!

Ah...! but when were questions & answers about life that easy...?

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May

May - For Wishes, for Hopes, for Longing...