Rules for a Happy Marriage

I had read this poster somewhere some time back and really liked it. And just becoz I liked it, It made so much sense to put it up here too! :P
Thanks to Google, I got the exact one that I had read.

But putting up something which is already out there on a blog is boring right? Will look like a copy/paste I did. So here's the twist. After the list stated below, I'll put down my Rules of a Happy Marriage too. That makes it interesting for me too. Makes me wanna know how many are in common with the ones found common everywhere.

Here goes the common list:

1. Never both be angry at the same tme.
2. Never yell at each other except of the house is on fire!
3. If one of you has to win an arguement, let it be your mate.
4. If you have to critisize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world, rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an arguement unsettled
8. Atleast once everyday try to say something kind or complimentary thing to your partner.
9. When you have done something wrong , be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
10. It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking. 

Now here's My list. Its again a list of nine as usual!
 Firstly, I sincerely believe that one should enter Marriage only when one is sure of a strong like for the to-be-partner. It is much easier to build the bond on, if the liking is already established. So I'm not even going to put that point of having a liking as a rule here. It is a default in my rules.
Considering that established, I'd go with the rest of my list in no particular order.

1.  Don't take each other for granted. For this, Atleast once a day, try spending half an hour with your spouse. Not between TV commercials.. or in calls; but a proper "S/He" time.
2. Respect forms a big part of the relation.. Respect each other, each other's immediate families and closest friends. This also means, Never belittle the other in front of your peers/friends/colleagues/family.
3. Never quarrel in front of kids. Doing that will definitely be a problem for the future. Blame game is the biggest rues for a Marriage. Most of the time, Kids make a family complete and if the kids are to witness unpleasantness; rest assured the future isin't bright for the Family.
4. Never be angry at the same time. Yea, I totally agree with this. If one is blowing his/her lid, the other should immediately calm down .. else move away. Both bringing the house down will only make matters worse.
5. Plan your kids! I mean the number! This statement may sound weird to some.. but its equally weird when I hear - it was an accident! And yes,  I have heard this atleast a couple of times...! I mean This accident is going to be an integral part of your life which can change the relation dynamics between the couple. So, Please - Plan!
6. Chalk the important lines. Defining and being aware of each other's personal choices always helps. In being mindful when to draw the line in giving out opinions or even to bind stronger by sharing things what the other likes.
7. Give each other space: By doing this, you simply are giving enough room for your partner to miss you and think of you; as well as time for you to do your own thing too. After all both would probably have an independent social life! [I'd wish even a homemaker to have a social life..!] Being in each other's hair all the time could be SO stifling after a while.
8. Travel : Breaking the rut to discover a new place, with just the two or the family definitely acts as a cementing factor. It also rejuvinates the marital bond.
9. Forgive! : People are different and your spouse is part of the 'people'. Expecting him/her to be attuned to you in each way is asking for a bit too much. There would be clashes.. but Forgiving and not holding each other for the clash makes it a truly loving relation.

There it went! That was my list of most important things... what would be yours? :) 

New Year Resolutions - 2013

2012. A year of many reflections, many realisations and a lot of growng up by introspection.
Coming to terms with the loss of a parent throughout the year was taxing emotionally and physically. This year truly sucked the life out at many phases throughout. But then, I also discovered my actual strengths, my real friends, my couple of anchors - for which I am truly grateful.

As We enter into 2013, I already have some strong willed resolves I am waiting to kick off on.

To begin.. and in commited continuance with the 2012 resolutions:

1] I will learn to let go of pain...Let go of things that hurt, were taken away, snatched away.. or which made me weak and sad. let go. Its a pain nobody can share and sharing it alone is extremely diffcult to bear.

2] Live each day. Consciously and fully. Make a difference where possible.

3] And keep my loved ones near....

The other things which I lapsed out on and wish to get on track in the coming year are;

4] Stop Chocolates/Desserts/Sweets of any kinds for 6 months this year. Kicking Jan till end March. Then a break and then back on resolve again. The sweet tooth does not help me, my wardrobe and my budget :P and this is a no-bargain clause.

5] Start preparing for THE event. That's the only info I can share here at the moment. :D

6] Exercise, Exercise, Exercise. Get back in the mode. Atleast thrice a week. The need to stay fit just gets stronger by each passing year.

7] Spend less. Save more. For the coming months.

8] Read and read more. My reading has reduced by 50% of my normal time spent on it in the last 6 months. And another important reason - Reading heals too.

9] Check my online shopping. Not that I am addicted, but it is pretty convenient and addictive. I don't want to get there, where it becomes addictive. So, No online shopping more than once in 2 months.

10] Build up Cottons and Curious.

Putting them up here each year has helped me in keeping track on the progress of each of the resolves and have a review of them at the end of the year too. Hope the same for this coming year.

May All have a Healthy, Safe and Happy Year!

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Bloody Nonsense!

So the thing I've learnt after being a helpless, frustrated, enraged  spectator to the Oh so many crimes aganst women in the country is - that in order to be respected, I need to become a super goddess - A Kali, A Durga or anything but a normal female! Who has super-powers, kills demons and is unapologetic about it... coz ofcourse she is right!!
If I as a normal female want to be safe - then I better start imbibing those traits! I should have the powers to vanquish evil, vanquish people who enter on my safety zone, who are a threat to me!
Only then I feel I can be safe and live safe!

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National Symbols, Objects and People -2012!

Read this article in an email and wanted to put this up for keeps in the coming years.
These were some national symbols, objects and people for 2012:

National Robot: Manmohan
National Joke: Rajnikant
Nationalsalesman: A Raja
NationalBalm: Sunny Leone
National struggler: Anna Hazare
National guests: Kasab, Afzal, Guru
National Jewellery store: Bappi Lahiri
National Horror: Nitin Gadikari
National concern: Rahul's marraige
National son in law: Robert Vadera
National asylum: Parliament
National bird: Nira Radia
National Palace: Tihar Jail
National Bank: Swiss bank
National Book: Kamasutra

What is the future of the country?

Love Marriage or Arranged?

Perfect Marriage:

..... And they lived happily everafter.

Heard this one before? If you are female [or male too!]  and are into reading, there's every chance that you may have read this line earlier. Most synonymous stories with happy endings! But we are yet to even begin on the path Before the happy ending! That's where the sho-sha is!!

And a debate about Arranged Vs Love marriage! Isin't that a really tough call?
Very simply put, Arranged marriage is where you tie the knots take the Saptapadi vows first and then figure out a way to tie the hearts together and work on your vows; whereas in Love marriage the hearts are already tied together and the vows are explored in advanced anticipation to start living them.

When I was in my teens I remember always wishing to have a love marriage. Blame it on the years or whatever.. the idea of a love marriage much excited me then.
Then with time, as my thinking grew fine, I realised Arranged marriage was also not a bad prospect at all. There are so many things to look forward to there too.
And now when I have been a working professional for a few years now [which most of urban female population is] I reiterate my statement that Love is a very important factor to get married.

So, what does one choose if given a choice?  I believe that's a tough choice. But if I had to make it, I'd choose love. Or rather a love and arranged marriage; which is not too difficult in today's times as it was earlier.

Now, "Why Love?" is the question I need to justify.
Simply because I truly believe marriage is a taxing business in today's times. So, If I do have an idea of the partner I am going to spend my life with, it much better helps me in planning it out. In arranged marriages, you need time to build up the relations, break the shackles, the inhibitions and totally be yourself. When that happens, its truly beautiful.. but lets face it, in today's times esp in a country like ours, where the speed of living is getting disproportional... and IF both partners are working outside home - It really gets difficult to get the balance.  You certainly would not be in the mood at many times in the week to be patient and understand why your partner did something that you don't appreciate much.  Less often we would give that time to realise that your partner IS that way, and is not doing any thing to annoy you per se! Likewise, there'll be so many things you'd need to give time to, to attain a happy relation.

Not the case in Love marriage. In love marriages, you know the person- the quirks, the annoying habits et al. & while those habits may still not have become adorable to you.. you atleast are better prepared for handling them. Agreed that Love marriages also have quite a few of the divorce cases registered, but hey!  where was it ever written that just because its a Love match, it WILL succeed? Is it just because someone dared to follow their heart & failed; we like to make them the villain and example for not venturing into making a choice of who to allow into the heart and the home?

I don't think so. Its very important to find the one whom you want to listen to, rather than someone whose conversation you need to decipher...to find that one person whose view points aren't in extreme contrast with your viewpoints. More important is to find the one whose comfort you would look forward to...rather than wonder if you will even find comfort there or no! Whose hold makes you immediately feel secure rather than tentatively keep waiting for it... for heaven knows how long!!


This surely does not imply that arranged set-ups are something akin to paddling your way in Hyderabad rains! [Horrendous thought no?] - let's just say, I prefer finding my comfort zone first to be able to give someone theirs in good measure.

In the end, be it love marriage or arranged; ALL need working - and working really hard!  Cause the paths could be different, but the destination to every marriage is the same. - A compatible union.

I shall rest my case by altering the famous disclaimer that is generally heard in every advertisement of mutual funds.

"Marriage is subject to heart and home risk. Please read the offer document[s] carefully before investing."!


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Secular India

India is the only country I guess where a person from any country..any religion can come down and settle quite comfortably without reservations of having to miss out on celebrating their important days.
Primarily becoz, except for their respective Independence day holidays, all the major religions celebrated around the world are celebrated here too and are given as national holidays.

I believe that is something which is the biggest advantage any foreign national - settled/ posted/ travelling here would have.
Adding a picture which is a personal favorite too, defining the Secular India,  I hope most of us are proud of.

Truly Secular, Truly India.