The Best Accessory for a Female

Sometime back, when we were holding some fun quiz at work, I, being the part of the committee was put in the dock, as I never get to otherwise participate. It was a random thing & I went with the flow.

The question put to me was "What would be the one most important thing you would give a girl preparing for a beauty pageant?"
I didn't have to think half a moment for this answer. - 'CONFIDENCE.'

Confidence is the one accessory which can make anybody beautiful, attractive & desirable. It would make her believe that she has what it takes to be there. It would help her discover her potential & instill enough words, that she would feel herself as beautiful.

The reply was well liked and that ended there.

...Later when I was complimented on my spontaneous reply, I thought -  how true is this! From personal experience I can vouch for this fact, that when a female has confidence, even if she is breaking in unforgiving zits on her face, she'll not be affected in her zest & spirit for meeting people.. doing what she wants out there & living life. Whereas, even if she is spotlessly flawless, if she doesn't have the confidence that she measures up to good, all that flawless beauty will be of no good.

So what is confidence.. & how does one gain it or how would one inspire confidence in someone?
In simple definers, Confidence is when you are comfortable in your skin. Confidence is when you know you are good enough, without waiting for external subscriptions. Confidence is the surety that you'll make it through any situation on your own. It also is the comfort with which you seek help without feeling that you are lowering your pride. Confidence is when you are respectful towards yourself & don't get intimidated by others. It is also being respectful towards everyone without feeling insecure or instilling a forced fear among others. Confidence is when you can say your say without getting scared of repercussions. Confidence is when you are content in being yourself. Content in the knowledge you are loved by the universe.

So how do you instill this in someone? Some people are born confident. They do not need to be helped or provided supplement to build that. But some people aren't that way. Maybe because of their persona, maybe by their upbringing. These are the ones that need the the building up.

There's just one bottomline way to do this. By simply letting people in your life be for what they are, for what they are. To let them bloom the way they do without trying to change the course of their rooting. Even angled blooms look beautiful when natural..& fenced plants too look jaded when restricted too much. When people are comfortable to be themselves, confidence is a but natural resultant.

I do believe, that even if just this one thing is in place, you appreciate yourself without expecting anything that can make or shake your self belief and that itself brings you appreciation without looking for it. When the inner sanctum of the self is nourished well, confidence is bound to be alive and thriving.

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Feels like Home to Me.....

A Song Close to my Heart...

 

Intentional Actions

Our intentions may be genuine gold. But if we want people to believe them , we have to back them up by actions.
Intentions without actions doesn't justify the claim. Doesn't measure up to much.

Happy Independence Day India

Each Independence day, I post something or the other about the importance and gratitude I feel for this day. This day, I have no written post, but a song which is a personal favorite. It evokes a lot of faith and hope in me.

Happy Independence Day India. Jai Hind!

"Its only Words....

...& words are all I have to take your heart away. "

What a lovely song this is.

Blessed are the people who can just as easily bring out the verbal verbose they feel within their hearts & empty the heart...but its equally unblessing/terrible for people who are eloquent, but get tongue tied or who actually cannot well put across what they feel at the times when its most needed. It's too constraining.

Then those words go down in the head, where nobody's listening..or it goes down in a diary albeit... paper or blog one.

Many a times when I've thought of it, the first impression is that, it is usually the problem of a person who is very unsure. But my psychological mind (:P) has probed the subject deeper & has learnt that, that is not the only reason. Apart from an inherent reservedness some people have, there can be various reasons for people to hold back on their words. Most of the common reasons are:

• When there is fear of rejection
• When there is uncertainty of the feeling of the thought wanting to be expressed
• When there is an ego at a definite unhealthy high place to go and approach someone
• When one really feels that what s/he may speak will anyways not make a difference
• When one has lost hopes/faith on the bearer of the subject
• When you are so hurt that words don't form proper fragments in the mind to come out
• When you don't want to make yourself vulnerable to open bruises
• When you don't want to break someone's heart as well as you can't lie either
• When you fear losing........this can be anything, fear of losing loved one, relation, hope, ...job. Anything
• When one thinks that his/her knowledge is too deep for the recipient to understand
• & most importantly, when you don't trust yourself anymore. I assume this to be the most painful of all the reasons

I'm sure you must be wondering, that all these points are only related to sadness/negativity etc. There's good reason. I do very much believe when one is happy & even if a word is not uttered, the happiness reflects itself on the face. It Sure does.
Factually, we humans live the fact of, "Laugh & the world laughs with you, Cry & you cry alone", We are forever protecting the other side, the emotionally scarred side, going on about with a made up face hoping that what you feel will somehow reach the other person.

It Doesn't.

Let me finish off by quoting an amazing quote here:
"Whenever you expect someone to understand what you feel, always remember that how can the person know what you were never able to express?
-Things left unsaid often remain unheard."

So, Go express! It may not be the safest way...but again, there is no other way.
Is there?

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Such an Irony!

We get broken by someone, promise ourselves never to look for leaning on anyone for support ever again and then go ahead looking for someone who would understand us in this & help us to get over the pain of the breaking down.

Subconsciously falling onto the same loop, again looking for a shoulder to lean on, depend on..& maybe eventually get close to.. & risk Everything we promised ourselves about not wanting to count on anyone ever again.

Ironical much?

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And so I flew..!

In my growing up years, I used to be the timid, inconfident and jittered types. Though being a tomboy at heart - I always wanted to break free of the mental/traditional boundaries around me to discover the person within.
But for some reason or the other - It never happened until I was out of college.

There was this deep longing to once set out - try my spirit, know where I stand on my own and have the literally on-my-own kind of feeling.

It started with my passion for travelling. In the beginning, it was just an interest - which while I was on my third trip, I knew - was my passion. It was a birthday gift I asked my parents few years back; the permission to solo travel. Ofcourse they weren't too convinced about me venturing alone, especially considering my dependent state at that time.. but my Dad supported me and I can never ever be enough thankful to him for that. Today when he's not there to listen to my stories, to see the person I've moulded by the experiences I've had, I miss him the way that cannot be expressed and I hope he's happy when he sees me from up above.

I started out with a small weekend trip and today, it does not matter the number of days I go on a trip, I know I can handle it.
The first time is always the exciting, nervous, difficult yet easy in the end. Its also the most memorable. The first solo train ride, flight ride, the first hotel check-in..everything which we never give a thought to when in a group, becomes a responsibility. Also it taught me a great lot about human psychology. The weird questions, the approving/unapproving comments all became my teachers in some way or the other.
This one step, apart from giving me a sense of self - gave me so many things that I hadn't even anticipated.
The confidence, the sense of belief, the sense of discipline, the responsibility of the self, the environment and the world we live in. The recognition of our place in this huge world, the ability to meet new people/cultures and learn from them or be thankful for my environment, depending on the place of visit, the feeling of empowerment and so many things more. There's just so much for which  I now express gratitude for.

Today, its been more than 5 years I've been travelling on my own and I recommend it to every person who asks me about it, especially females. Reason being, it reiterates the feeling of self-dependency and breaks a lot of mental shackles Indian females have been raised to believe in. 
I took the first step and it changed my life. Life's good! :)

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Housing Memories

Sometimes when you give up hope in a relation, even a small whiff of encouragement is all what it takes to get the faith back on track. And sometimes after giving your best, the best to do is house the memories in the safe core of your heart.

I'm a person of few relations and those few I set them in stone. Nothing at all can deter me from going all the way for someone I call my own, so when there is rough weather - I go ALL out to make sure things get back to smooth.

I was having major issues with a particular close friend. We had been only arguing and having communication gaps for more than 6 months. Unfortunately, since none of my closest friends live in the same city, it only gets worse to smooth out big issues easily.
So, when I happened to get a chance to visit this friend's city, there wasn't any doubt of thinking of anything else except for packing up and jumping on the chance.

As my luck had it, after I reached, I discovered the friend that day only had a few hours to spare before getting back to work, which apparently couldn't be avoided.
So even though I was super upset by that, I made my peace in those few hours and I had a memorable trip.
To date - while we still are in rough waters - I think of that effort of mine and make my peace that I DID give my best to iron out the differences.
For that last meeting, neither of us brought up the issues bothering us, nor did we let the complaints get in the way. Today I reflect on that day and in a way feel glad that we did not rake up unpleasantness.. but rather had enjoyed the time like the good 'ol days.
There's a lot to think here. Was I the only one who wanted to sort out differences, does distance really change people so much etc etc. But for the things that have happened and have been an important part of our life, I believe in keeping the sanctity of the emotions and feelings spent and rather keep the good  memories close.

In hindsight, that meeting seems like we parted on a memorable note. That is all I would like to hold onto to.

Truly life is unpredictable. But just because a relation breaks, we don’t have to look back bitterly on it. Till the moment you were in it, it was important and pleasant. I’d rather remember the pleasantness than the end result of it.

Sometimes some relations are Together... but not quite.

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